Warning: Reading this may cause hysterical blindness
Okay, so I'm a loser. I'm home alone on a Friday night. Big fucking deal.Actually, it's exactly what I wanted to be doing tonight. Last weekend I went to NYC and spent a ton of money, so I decided to stay home and play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on PS2. I don't play very many video games, but I'm addicted to this one.
I like having time to myself, but it seems I have all too much of it these days. I tried dating someone, but I was basically just going through the motions. I thought it would help heal some wounds from my last relationship, but my heart wasn't really in it from the beginning. I was pretending to be interested to make myself feel better, and that just ain't right.
I've found that the best things seem to happen to me when I'm trying the least. Every time I've ever really fallen for a girl/woman, it's been an unexpected situation where the magic was just there and it happened. The harder I try, and the more I get my hopes up, the more I lose, and fail to get what I desire (and what we fail to attain, we desire beyond all else).
So I am going to stop trying, wanting, and worrying, and I'll have faith that something good will happen. If it doesn't happen, at least I won't have wasted any energy. Maybe I'm just being cynical, but I've been bitch slapped by Fate so many times in this life that I've come to expect nothing. That way I'm never disappointed, and occasionally surprised.
That's it for now.
posted by Skrambled Egghead Reborn @ 11:00 PM
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