No Longer Seething
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."--Buddha
In case anyone's wondering, I'm feeling much better now after a good battle with the subject of a recent post. Things were said, points were made, hatchets were buried (figuratively, not literally). I can only seethe with rage for a few days before it starts to sap my energy altogether, but it was definitely a healthy rage.
I was just looking at this mask (currently on display by the evil one), which one of my closest female friends in high school gave to me. We lost touch at least ten years ago, but for some reason this creepy mask has followed me around ever since. I've had it on my wall so long I hardly even notice how disturbing it is. I think it must be meant to ward off evil spirits or something.
She was quite an amazing (and insane) human being, and I assume still is. The thing is, I wish I knew. We were such close friends, but she got into some very bad things, and torpedoed every rationship in her life. Years later I heard that she cleaned up her life and was running a floral shop in Massachusetts somewhere. That was a few years back, so I don't know what she's doing right now. I wish I did.
Even after all these years, I still miss the bond that we had. We never got intimitely involved, but we developed an intense friendship. I loved her, intensely. She wasn't my first love, but she was one of the first. For a while it seemed like she was the only one who really understood me, and I understood her on a level that no one else in her life did. She was in the process of discovering her sexuality in those days, clearly discovering that she preferred women. Of course, she figured out that she was a lesbian just before I figured out that I was in love with her, so you can just imagine what I went through.
But it didn't really surprise me when she finally admitted it to herself. In fact, it seemed pretty obvious all along. There were moments where we almost hooked up, but we had something that we knew would have been destroyed if we tried to take it to a higher level. As it turned out, she ended up destroying it by getting a habit which led to her lying and stealing her way out of every friendship in her life. In the end, there was nothing that could've saved that friendship.
At any rate, I've been told that she's doing well, and I'm happy for her. That's it for now, I'm off to enjoy my Saturday night.
posted by Skrambled Egghead Reborn @ 8:28 PM
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