Alabama, You Scare Me
Well, no dildos for you if you live in Alabama. No vibrators. No ben wah balls. No pornos. No strippers. The state has decided that orgasms are morally reprehensible and that stores may not sell "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs".
Here is the story. Looks like you Alabaman ladies had better get used to your fingers, unless vibratory speakeasies start opening up.
The US Supreme Court refused to review, and thus allowed to stand, a federal court's decision that the state of Alabama can ban the sale of sex toys. Violation of the law can result in a fine of $10,000 dollars and a year in jail. $10,000 dollars for selling a vibrator!!! Holy crap, Alabama, and you wonder why the rest of the world thinks you are an ass-backwards shithole.
The majority of people there would claim to be conservative. I thought conservatives were supposed to be in favor of having less government intrusion in people's lives. In reality, they only want to keep government from interfering with businesses who fuck over workers, consumers, and the environment. As far as your personal life, and what goes on in the bedroom, they somehow feel that that is the government's business. Jesus Fucking Christ.
Masturbation is a good thing. I do it every day and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I can just hear the anti-abortion crowd right now: "But those sperm cells are potential babies! You're killing them!" Well, in that case I must be worse than a hundred Hitlers. Women who masturbate regularly have better control over their sexual urges , which might lead to fewer untintended pregnancies. I would think these rubes might consider that a good thing. It just isn't healthy to be walking around with all that pent-up sexual energy. Being horny leads to promiscuity, whereas being sexually satisfied through masturbation leads to peace of mind.
Sorry Alabama, but I hate to say it. You're fucked up. I think I'll start a black market sex toy business down there. I could stand on a street corner in Mobile with a trenchcoat on. When frustrated women walk by I could open it to reveal rows of sex toys, just like those shady watch dealers on the streets of New York City. "Wanna buy a toy?"
(Thanks to Mary for the picture.)
10 Comments:
You know I was just thinking about this topic the other day in a roundabout way. And I was correlating the uptight, control-freaky attitude of some religious women to their sexual repression for fear that it's "dirty". Though this is a topic I generally refrain from discussing for fear of sounding lewd. Though it seems like some of those rightwing nutjobs might loosen up a little if they just let themselves have some self loving. My two cents.
Just when you think people cannot possibly come up with something dumb enough to surpass their last idiotic creation...Well, I am just seeing this from a responsible animal control perspective. I mean, if a kitten dies every time someone masterbates... what will happen to the overpopulation of felines in Alabama? Perhaps they did not think of quite everything. What a trip.
Thanks everybody for commenting (while blushing, probably).
The people of Alabama probably think this law reflects their "moral values". See this article about a study which shows that Alabama has the highest divorce rate in the United States, whereas the New England states where I live have the lowest divorce rates. Moral values my ass. Maybe the legality of "marital aids" in New England helps keep divorce rates low.
Sweet fancy Mosas... That's just wrong... Any bets on what would increase first? I call suicide, anybody for rape or abandoned babies?
Maybe you could set up a market stall and sell items that obviously have nothing to do with sex and would therefore not offend the good folk of Alabama.
I'm thinking... um... candles, hairbrushes, rubber gloves, electric toothbrushes, vibrating mobile phones, candles, clothes-pegs, soap-on-a-rope, candles, bananas and... oh yeah... whipped cream.
Whaddya think?
Good lord, will the return to backwardarseness never end! Time to send for Super Cumquot! "Defender of cum" quot...
More and more i see the world is getting retarded. First Brittney spears sells a million albums... and now this...
Aliens... Land here... Come as you are...Healthy, Robust Earth female, willing to work for food and travel....
Opti, I'm going to go with an increase in incest (as if there isn't enough of that in Alabama already).
Roger, I think you're on to something here. But I'm thinking I should put my own marketing spin on all the items. Vibrating hairbrushes, mobile phones with lube dispensers, or how about Banannas: Ribbed for her pleasure. I'll be rich in no time!
Ostrich, that is too ridiculously funny. Super Cumquot??? Well, he's my hero, that's for sure. It seems that the world is being divided into two people, those who are forward-thinking, and those who are backward-thinking. Sometimes it seems like the backwards ones are taking over. Very disturbing indeed.
Ah yes, the super cumquot does indeed have a lightning bolt on his costume. its the line on his uppercase, triangle encapsulated 'Q'. Defenders of normal hormone guided life forms everywhere. he will fight for your honour, cum quot may!
it's not conservatives who want less government, it's the libertarians, they have the right idea. i am responsible for the death of many kittens myself.
You're right, libertarians do have the right idea. I probably am one. I think everything should be legal (prostitution, drugs, dildos, etc). But conservatives claim to want less government. The difference is that conservatives are hypocrites.
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