Depressed Already
I knew I'd be really depressed tomorrow, what with it being Valentine's Day and me being single, but I'm already in a pretty bad state. Those of you who've been following this blog for a few months know that I had my heart broken in a bad way last year, and I've been struggling to get over her ever since. There have been times when I've felt completely over her, but it never seems to last. We still spend a lot of time together and talk almost every day, which I think has made it even more difficult to get over her.
She is just so beautiful in every way. I could stare into her deep brown eyes for hours on end. And of course, her body is perfect. But it isn't just her physical beauty that has captivated me so. I love everything about her--the sound of her voice, the way she laughs, the way she's so caring and sensitive that even a dumb TV show can make her cry. I would be happy if I could spend my life trying to make her happy. But for some reason, I'm not good enough for her.
I was doing fine with just being her friend, but last night she went on a date and I really freaked out. I don't think I can keep hanging out with her as "just a friend" while she dates other guys. It would be torture for me. I don't know what to do, but part of me thinks that if I don't hang out with her for a while, maybe she'll miss me and come to realize that she does love me too. I don't know, maybe it's just hopeless.
6 Comments:
Thanks P, I may have to take you up on that. I'm not so sure I want to get that other character involved though.
Oh Skrambled, I know exactly what you mean about being in contact with the person. It's impossible to draw yourself away from them, and yet hard to be close to them too. Totally understandable about freaking out about the date too. And isn't that glimmer of hope that they'll miss you especially frustrating? From one single, bitter person to another: Happy Valentines!
Oh boy. I'm struggling with what to say so I'll try to take the high road here.
I don't know the details but, um, isn't spending time with her and talking constantly like keeping a wound open? I cannot speak for you, but I can speak for me... that has never worked. It's pretty much mental/emotional self-mutilation.
You are right, she could decide that you are the best person ever; I don't know the odds, but I bet you do.
You seem to be a sensible, expressive individual and you might want to consider living for the person you are now, not the person you might be if she changes her mind.
Don't let this be the thing that stops you from living your life by consuming you, even though it comes in a perfect package.
Hey, I'm single too - so what do I know! =)
Happy Valentines to you too Hansy. Long live the bitter!
And yes, livewire, I know it isn't healthy at all. I normally make all my decisions according to logic and reason, but this is one exception. Thanks for the advice, but I doubt I'll take it (though it would be the smart thing to do).
At the moment I prefer self-immolation, but perhaps one day soon I'll wise up.
ooooo, immolation- I'd never heard that word before, and I LIKE it! And as for the love thing- I totally agree with your sentiments. Love is the one thing that is governed by absolutely NO logic or reason whatsoever, whereas the rest of my life is ruled by it. Love is tricky that way, and insidious.
No matter what, find a way to be happy =) (I'm rootin' for ya over here)
Post a Comment
<< Home